four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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