apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
The power of my boobs compel you
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
