508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize