Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
