You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
