so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
only if we run a train.
done.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
