I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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