don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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