wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
