So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Operation Purity has been aborted
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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