Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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