Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i would one night stand the shit outta him
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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