Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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