I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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