I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
