So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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