she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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