Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He passed out mid-signature
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize