Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
