You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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