Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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