there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize