Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I'm really busy with my period
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