My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
