i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
there is glitter all over my balls
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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