the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Randomize
