I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
