I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
