He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
