I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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