dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
