I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
