please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
