Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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