2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
