we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
it's like iHOP with fire
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We talked him into tasing himself.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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