i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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