Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
