Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
