$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
