Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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