He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
