Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize