Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
