That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
