After last night, I could never be a politician.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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