I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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