No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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