you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
