Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
