I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
