Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
