I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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