I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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