Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize