I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
