Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
