I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
