Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize