my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
