I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
