You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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