Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
