Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
