I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize