this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
