we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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