Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I supernannyed him into submission
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize