I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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