At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
