She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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