So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
