whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
