drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
