We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
