I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
