i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
