Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
People in love make me want to vomit
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize