She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Another day, another engagement, another cat
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
