WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
They have beer where we have blood.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
