There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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