im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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