Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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