JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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