Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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