Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
